Lime Rick

Limed and loaded, rhymed and ready

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Athlone, County Meath

The garrison is vacant now, the change
from conqueror to nationhood complete.
We loll along the river walk and gape
at misfit architecture, totting up
duplicities and massacres that range
from side to side, and tossing the conceit
that we can understand; it’s like the shape
of tea, turbulent in its paper cup.

And then the van arrives, in shimmered slate.
These salmon hesitate to run the weirs;
although the netting’s gone, the sight still scares,
so, milt and roe released, they congregate,
suspended between transitory heres,

and mere histories, neither ours nor theirs.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Work at fifty

Well, it's not a limerick, and it's not humorous, and it's not about politics -- but it is what it is:

I lie in bed. The house shakes just a bit;
A logging truck speeds north to Canada.
A load of spruce goes forth. When it’s sawn true,
In time, as two-by-fours, it will return.
Just down the road, a grader sucks a tit
Of land and wears it down. A penumbra
Of roads and houses soon will dot the view
And take a lengthy chance with nature’s stern
Embrace. The race to leave a cellar hole
Is one my eighteen-fifty house will win.
Despite my level best to skirt the rules,
The plumb will always skew, just like my goal
To leave a measured mark – to say I’ve been.
I rise; I put on clothes; I find my tools.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006


That Kim Jong-Il is a mother!
His nuclear urge we must smother;
Let’s forget the damn hawks,
And have bilateral talks,
From one Dear Leader to another.

Leaders lead, others form circle and point

Mr. Hastert appears to be furious
‘Cause the page scandal is so injurious.
Mr. Speaker, here’s the lesson:
When a thing needs addressin’,
It’s best not to be too incurious.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

You've got a fiend in Pennsylvania

A straw candidate! That won’t be mean;
So Repubs funded Romanelli’s scheme.
But the courts struck it down,
And Santorum’s gonna drown.
...Hey, it’s not easy being Green.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Small Favors

The IMs have now been released.
It's clear that Mark Foley's a beast.
Still, I'm controlling my rage;
He's a jerk to a Page,
But at least the man isn't a priest.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

That was then, this evil is now

Well, there’s Hitler, Hirohito, Karl Marx,
Mussolini, Mao Zedong, (Rosa Parks):
All once claimed as the devil,
But let’s be on the level –
Bush is the one jumping sharks.

The Apology of Senator Stevens

I am old, so I’ll grasp any straw;
Sometimes things – well, they stick in my craw.
I don’t get these young boobs
And their Internet tubes,
But I do know how to hold up good law.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Lessons Spurned

You might as well take cyanide
If you’re waiting for proof that I lied.
In my faux-Texas diction
I can spout pseudo-fiction.
But is it the truth? I decide.

Friday, June 09, 2006


Learn truthiness, then slander.
If that doesn’t work, gerrymander.
If you’re still far behind
Once you’ve maligned and confined,
Then it’s time for the big guns: Pander.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

June: Pandering Season for Republicans

Our numbers continue to sag.
Is it the tail or the dog that you wag?
Oh, forget the damn phrase;
Let’s go out and bash gays,
Then show our support for the flag.


No, but don’t use the fact that you lost a husband as the basis for being able to talk about, while preventing people from responding. Let Matt Lauer make the point. Let Bill Clinton make the point. Don’t put up someone I am not allowed to respond to without questioning the authenticity of their grief. – Ann Coulter, The Today Show, June 6, 2006

I can’t go on the Today Show
‘Cause I’m not a spokesperson. So,
I’ll hire a drama queen
Like Coulter the Mean;
Just like Bush hired Tony Snow.

I can’t go on the Today Show
‘Cause I actually know what I know.
If you put up authentic
Against hallucinogenic
The addled eventually blow.

What to do? Well, just go with the flow,
And – yes – watch her rake in the dough
Until, stuck in her sewer,
Losing viewer after viewer,
She won’t go on the Today Show.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

NYAH nyah

KARL and GEORgie SITting in a TREE
FIRST comes FEAR then DEMS we disPARage
ALL else FAILS then we BASH gay MARriage.

Monday, May 08, 2006

Revelation, Supersized

Your apocalyptic vision is blind.
You’re the true scourge of mankind,
Not the beast, as you think.
We’ll come back from the brink.
Until then, you can kiss my Left Behind.

True, That

First, I accomplished my mission.
Then, I accomplished rendition.
Then I spied on you all,
Got re-elected in the fall;
But the best thing I did? That was fishin’.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

The Apology of Ben Domenech

I've used a line when I didn't own it;
I guess, friends and foes, that I've blown it.
I'd clean it with spittle,
And change just a little...
If this is mastery, then (sigh) I'm a donut.

Friday, March 24, 2006

Fish in a Barrel, by Ben Domenech

What is the line ‘bout the mote
In one’s eye? Can one gloat
And still be annoyed?
Ah, schadenfreude.
(Yo, Ben, here… Steal this quote).

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

You're agin' us. You don't need to know.

The records are gone from their places:
Re-classified! That erases
Your chance to make plots
Or connect any dots.
See, it's all on a need-to-know basis.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Mr Cheney, Explained

Well, this shooting's become such a mess,
That I've gone on Fox News to confess:
I've no fear of the law,
Or much else. My one flaw:
I'm deathly afraid of the Press.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Cheney Aims for Foot, Misses

They’ll spy, to who knows what ends;
They’ll lie, and ne’er make amends.
They’re so compromised,
I don’t know why we’re surprised.
-- What’s a little buckshot ‘tween friends?

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

I Can't Budge It

Our new budget is nothing to fear -- no,
'Cause cuts 'cross the board are here. So,
Except for defense
Where we abandon pretense,
Feel free to move around any zero.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Bush Pried for Your Sins

It turns out that their talk is all bluster.
Summon all the outrage you can muster.
To get a good handle
On the breadth of the Bush scandal,
Think of this: We're the Sioux, and he's Custer.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Bombers without Borders

Here's more than five lines, because it's hard to do this justice (though you'll see I tried, below):

Most of us reacted viscerally to the events of September 11th. That afternoon, my wife and I bought an American flag and hung it on the house we had bought a few weeks earlier. When I analyze our response, I realize how strong the need for order, for logic, for security – for home is among humans. Patriotism, in many ways, is that same need for home writ large: Homes equal community; communities equal nation.

A few weeks later, we took down the flag, in disgust at our strafing of Afghanistan. Subsequent events have not prompted us to restore the flag, as you may well imagine. The collection of communities – our nation – had let us down.

We in the United States are no different in this respect than most other humans. Take those in Pakistan, for example. The protests at the news that we had attacked in an attempt to kill Ayman al-Zawahri are substantially about the violation of Pakistan’s sovereignty.

While I do not equate the 9/11 attacks with this action, the fact remains that we have indeed ignored the wishes of a sovereign nation within its own borders. We only win the Global War on Terror when we take away the terrorist’s means of support. It’s an asymmetrical war; the support comes from the hearts and minds of like-minded Muslims. We are obliged, whether we like it or not, to conduct ourselves on a higher plane than our enemy. Each and every time we prosecute the war using tactics that appear no better than those of our opponents, we lose another battle in the war.

Nixon’s incursion into Cambodia was a similar moment in our history, and for the same reasons. This is, of course, likely to pass as a minor incident in the overall war, compared to Nixon’s folly. Still, we are on thin ice where Muslim public opinion is concerned, following our Iraqi follies. The very least we should do is cooperate with one of the few unambiguous allies we have in the Muslim world. Apparently we are too arrogant to do even that. And it’s hard to see how Muslims can miss the hypocrisy that our respect for a nation’s borders seems to stop at our own.

Except Ours

This new war is so complicated.
The things we must do will be hated.
To bring terror to its knees
We must bomb where we please.
Besides, "borders" are so overrated.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Bush Says His Critics are Irresponsible

So we stick your liberties in a vault.
Then we bring democracy to a halt.
We have no other choice
But to silence your voice.
If you speak, we’ll declare it your fault.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

The King Sticks His Tongue Out

Go ahead, Congress, pass some new laws;
I’ll sign them, including their flaws.
But I’ll issue a decree
That says they don’t apply to me.
Why do I do it? Just because!

Friday, January 06, 2006


Doctor Dean says: Let's work hard and plan it
And we'll find DC's not set in granit.
We'll place in syzygy
A Democratic big three:
The President, the House and the Sanit.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Recess Appointments, DKE Style

There's no other way I can slice this.
We won't get them through using niceness.
When it comes right down to it,
You ignore them and just do it.
Rewarding incompetence: Priceless.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Bush is Left Behind

Abramoff’s finally snapped, sir;
He’ll be helping assist in the capture
Of Congressman Ney
And then Bugman Delay.
Maybe we can sneak away in the Rapture.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Trust, then Terrify

We’re certain you can be relied on.
Your patriotism real, not just tried on.
A red-white-and-blue model,
Not a wimp we must coddle --
And that’s why you need to be spied on.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Unjustice Justified!

Why tell our friends ‘bout rendition?
Why wait for a FISA decision?
Yes, lies are a cancer,
But if you’re sure of the answer,
Then why should you ask for permission?

Friday, December 23, 2005

Twistin' the Night Away

You’re protected, ‘cause on you we spy;
We don’t torture – just don’t ask us why.
It’s not Machiavellian,
More like Orwellian;
It’s true that we say we don’t lie.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Evolutionary Progress

So a judge emerged from the brine;
Grew lungs, a brain and a spine.
He got him some schooling,
And issued his ruling –
Rejecting intelligent design.

Monday, December 19, 2005

What's a Little Fourth Amendment Between Friends?

Citizens, you’ve nothing to fear.
The President’s position is clear.
To keep the bad guys there,
Therefore, out of your hair,
We’ve got to be spying on you here.

What Little Bush Knows He Learned in College

Let’s hope we're not stuck for eternity
With thoughts of neocon paternity
Like: The Constitution we’ll flaunt,
And spy on whomever we want.
Dubya, this is NOT your fraternity.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

You'll Need Lots of Practice

My Magic 8 ball says things are murky.
The neocons are not acting perky.
So I'll go to the Rose Garden
And practice the Prez Pardon,
Starting with a Thanksgiving turkey.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Whatever Did We Do to Deserve This?

As liberators, no bouquet;
As occupiers, death and disarray.
All this was a presage
To their ultimate message:
Turns out they don’t want us to stay.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Murtha Is Not Baffled

I stand here, a terrorist hater,
Who voted to remove the dictator.
I believe the job’s done.
Bring them home, every one.
And don’t you dare call me a traitor.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

The Republican Lament

The problem with being in power
Is that everything quickly goes sour.
You can do what you said!
It all goes to your head,
And soon it's your babies you devour.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

When in Doubt, Leave Washington

My status is turning to mush.
I’m losing what’s left of my touch.
So I’m flying to China
Where everything’s fina –
Hey, does Beijing need help clearing some brush?

Friday, November 04, 2005

White House To Do List

Keep Mike Brown away from a computer.
Get the POTUS a different tutor.
Give Dick Cheney a zipper,
Toss the base one more kipper –
And I think we’re all set with ol’ Scooter.

It's That Air National Guard Experience

As long as I’m at the controls
It’s okay if it shifts, dives or rolls.
Even if there’s a flash
And it’s clear that I’ll crash --
I don’t pay attention to polls.

Monday, October 31, 2005

Wringing Endorsement

The Miers nod is now put to rest.
Here’s the list – who now to suggest?
One by one, each I veto;
Wait – now here’s Sam Alito.
Clearly, this man is second-best.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Just In: Jeb Saves George from Wilma

See, FEMA, they can’t run the show,
But we can’t let the populace know.
So I’ll step to the plate
And unequivocally state:
It’s my fault (take one more for my bro).

Bush: First Responder

So down for the count is Ms. Miers,
And we’ll head out to squelch other fires.
If you think there’s none cookin’,
I’ve got a bridge up in Brooklyn
You can have real cheap. Any buyers?

Friday, October 21, 2005

Making a List, Checking It Twice

Haldeman, Erlichmann – big cogs;
For Colson and Liddy, striped togs.
There’s Agnew and Nixon—
Wait a minute, I’m mixing
Things up. Let’s march the new frogs!

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Iraq: For the Good Times

Gosh darn, we can’t spend the money
Fast enough. Everything’s sunny.
The only bad rumor:
Some don’t see the humor
In our escapade. Isn’t it funny?

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Look at Me, I'm Not Indictable (I Think)

Did Rove get too close to the flame?
Scooter make a scurrilous claim?
I know I’m not fixin’
To “stand down” with Nixon.
Someone else is to blame for Ms. Plame.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Memo to Dobson: I Do War and Pestilence, Too

James D., it's your former friend, God.
I made Bush's pick seem so odd
As a sign just for you.
It means we are through.
You don't represent me, you dumb clod.

Go Back on Vacation (and Take Along Machiavelli)

They want to “intimidate the world.”
You think? Your logic has curled
Back to you. After all,
Was Iraq terror’s call,
Or the target that YOU, sir, unfurled?

Gather Round, All You Clowns

If I call it a major speech,
At least to the choir I can preach.
I’ll serve up the same stew;
They’ll think that it’s new.
No one can claim I overreach.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

They're Making People Safe, Somewhere

To keep avian flu from our front yard
We need US troops as our trump card.
So says our Dear Leader,
But wouldn’t it be neater
If we got back our National Guard?

It's Only What Holds Up the Monument

I’m a lame duck -- can’t run in a race,
So I’m doing what I want in this case.
The fight might be bloody,
But Miers is an old buddy,
And who gives a fig for my base?

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

My Sentiments (Exactly)

That's What Friends Are For

“She has a great heart”—Baloney!
Dear Shrub, you are such a big phony;
With Miers as your pick,
You’re not very slick.
Try honesty: “She’s a crony.”

Monday, October 03, 2005

New Tune by Harriet Miers and the Supremes

If with the Bush cronies you hobnob
You can select yourself from the snob mob.
You might not be qualified,
And who cares if they’re mollified?
Let’s nominate ME for the robe job.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Conserve Energy -- Burn a Bush

My face just gets redder and redder
As I’m doing old liberals one better.
Today it was Carter,
That damned milquetoast martyr—
Say, Laura, do I own a sweater?

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Maybe That's As High As They Can Count

Among the al-Qaeda crew,
Bin Laden is first, it’s true.
But after the top,
It’s quite a sheer drop.
Everyone else seems to be Number Two.

Speaking Words of Wisdom

That’s not slime, understand – That’s emulsion.
We won’t “throw the bums out” – It’s expulsion.
The neocons have preferred
That we choose the precise word.
It’s not anger we feel – It’s revulsion.

Never Met One They Didn't Hate

In the 50’s, the Dems had Boll Weevils
Who protested integration’s upheavals.
The neocons do them proud –
‘Cept being rich (that’s allowed!),
Virtually every human right they find evil.

Tom, Swiftly

So the grand jury’s now had its say
And they think we might put him away
For up to two years.
Let’s lift up our beers:
Justice for Tom! Sans DeLay!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Fixing a Hole Where the Rain Comes In

They say that Big Gov is a curse,
So Repubs choose to plunder the purse.
With the swag they’ve been lenient
So it’s damned inconvenient
That Small Gov turns out to be worse.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Needed: Parts for Hoffman and Redford

Sometimes now is the same as then.
It all comes full circle again.
The scandal plots thicken
And Washington plays chicken.
Let’s redo “All the President’s Men.”

Mea Minima Culpa

So Michael Brown’s contrition
Is gone, along with his position.
Did he do anything wrong?
He’s not singing that song.
The blame game – that’s his new mission.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Frist: Evolution for Rich People

The stock’s in blind trust, but it’s mine.
It gets sold when I give the sign.
When my family biz starts to smell,
Before it’s public, I sell.
It’s called Intelligent Design.

Did You Ever Have to Make Up Your Mind?

So GOP politicos natter
As they watch their budget plans shatter.
There’s only so much dough;
To which Gulf should it go?
Guess what, folks? Deficits matter!

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

FEMA Could Squander It, Too

We pour a billion into Iraq’s defense;
Making democracy is our pretense.
Now the money is missing,
And I’m reminiscing:
Was this the war that made sense?

Cheney Will Stop Them

I seem to have misplaced my groove
And the voters don’t seem to approve.
And still I am merry
‘Cause I beat John Kerry
And they have (almost) no means to remove.

What Speech?

There once was a man from Crawford
Who had to use neocon buzzwords.
They seemed to be his opiate,
Even when inappropriate,
Leaving us to sigh and use cuss words.

Monday, September 19, 2005

I Thought Pork Was Prohibited

There’s a black hole in the Middle East
Where our tax dollars go to be deceased.
We’re buying hypocrisy
Instead of democracy,
And finding new ways to “feed the beast.”

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Myopia for the Rich!

Here’s a conservative think-tank position.
Let’s make it a Katrina decision.
It won’t help the city
(Aw, shucks, what a pity)
But it fits very well with my vision.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Bush at the Bastille

The multibillionaire relaxes.
He won’t have to add to his taxes
To fund Nola’s return.
He keeps his moolah to burn.
Peasants, time to sharpen the axes.

Why Small Business Needs Our Help

There are some folks that God just won’t bless;
I’d name them, but Rove says suppress.
They won’t go away meekly,
So we’ll fix them obliquely.
It’s hard work, but we’re making progress.

Bush: Bold Thoughts, Then a Bathroom Break

I was sitting in my local pizzeria
When I got this brilliant idea.
Any time we're at a loss
We’ll deliver cheese and red sauce;
Works for me. Start with North Korea.

All the Money's Gone, Nowhere to Go

When young I went to the Big Easy
On Daddy’s dough. Life was so breezy
With no responsibility.
Why the hostility
If I do it again? Is that sleazy?

Thursday, September 15, 2005

The Exception That Proves the Fool

The Senate’s core is a quorum
Of humans with brains and decorum.
They represent those
From their states, friends or foes –
Yeah, right. Case in point: Rick Santorum.

Bush: Lies, Damned Lies, and Whatever I Said

Where there’s truth, I’m an excellent dancer;
Where’s there’s lies, I can’t see the cancer.
It’s never too late
For me to investigate.
Why ask, if you’re the one with the answer?

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

If You Want Me To, I Will

There haven’t been rhymes on the SCOTUS
But it’s not ’cause there’s nothing to notice.
It seems no one is scoring
Because Roberts is boring.
Besides, who is more fun than the POTUS?

One Man's Ceiling Is Another Man's Floor

In case you had any doubt,
Tom Delay continues to spout.
But it’s contradictory,
His “ongoing victory.”
May he suffer an ongoing rout.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Responsibility -- How I Hate That Word

Hey, boys and girls, Dubya is back!
“My bad” is the new line of attack.
We won’t laugh at your expense
If you don’t keep us in suspense:
When do you take blame for Iraq?

Pretzel Logic

I have every right to a gun
Even if I loot it and run.
It’s simple, I reckon
To meet the tests of the Second,
‘Cause I’m a militia of one.

Tail End of the Bell Curve

When seen through the right-winger’s prism
It’s all “Small-Gov” opportunism.
But if you’re hell-bent
To get rid of government,
Isn’t that Marx’s Communism?

Monday, September 12, 2005

A Study in Contrasts

There once was the Paula Jones mess,
And Monica Lewinsky’s soiled dress.
Now consider the war
And the Katrina furor.
Clearly, we’ve impeached for far less.

Brownie, We Hardly Knew Ye

Now that they’ve thrown him to the mob,
Let’s join Michael Brown in a sob.
We’re now all aware
That the Bushies don’t care –
Brownie, you’ve done a heck of a job.

They Cause Less Trouble This Way

The Administration’s getting on top
Of things. Each day they drop
Officials into town
Who wait for the sound:
“[Insert here], time for your photo op.”

There Was a Mixup at the Lab

Master, does Bushenstein have a brain?”
“Well, Igor, let’s test him again.
Perhaps on inspection
We’ll find a connection
That’s loose, for there’s no sign he feels pain.”

She Could Steal, But She Could Not Run

These days, this cranky old fellow rants
About those damn GOP elephants.
Let’s make a correction
In the next election
And consign them to irrelevance.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

What They Need's a Damn Good Whacking

It’s not Three Stooges time, boys – Boink!
It’s not Spy vs. Spy either – Ploink!
There’s enough for us all now,
So line up at the Bush trough.
(Excuse me, did I hear an oink?)

Show the Amateurs How it's Done

At Kellogg, Brown and Root
There’s a new definition for “loot.”
For every disaster
There’s a public paymaster
And it’s all (barely) legal, to boot!

Saturday, September 10, 2005

You Don't Know How Lucky You Are, Boys

The American Dream is imbued
With views many-faithed, multi-hued,
To be equal and free,
From sea to each sea—
We’d better work fast, or we’re screwed.

Survivor: Washington

Apparently Bush is too tired
To acknowledge the bastards he’s sired.
When anyone errs,
He kicks them upstairs.
What’s it take around here to get fired?

Friday, September 09, 2005

Lime Rick Offering Aid

Presidential Business Skills by Donald Trump

Even though Mike Brown’s a menace,
You can’t put “remove” in a sentence.
Don’t know how to hire,
Don’t know how to fire.
Haven’t you watched The Apprentice?

You Never Give Me Your Money

Governing’s so easy to do
If you’re President Bush and his crew.
Just put some bucks down
And you’re hired, like Mike Brown.
Shucks, maybe I’m qualified, too!

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Talking Points

Democrats, don’t be demure;
For your malaise we now have a cure.
Bush’s gigantic goof
On Katrina is proof
He can’t make the country secure.

It's French -- Try It Anyway

Bush in the headlights – say cheese!
The White House is now under siege.
While New Orleans is draining,
Remember your training
And practice some noblesse oblige.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

And the Horse He Rode In On

Competence? Bush is a ringer
For Alfred E Neuman... Let’s linger
On “Who is at fault?”
Instead of a halt,
Let’s point at Bush (upward) a finger.

Hey, Dummies, They're in Iraq

These pols must think that we’re dupes.
They put us through all sorts of hoops
For the help we so need.
Do our leaders lead?
Nope – they’re out looking for troops.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Let Them Eat Gasoline

They’ve got water, and no way to boil;
Nola’s in life or death toil.
But our Prez is now back,
With a plan of attack,
And job one is: Release some more oil.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

What Did You Kill, Bungalow Bill?

For Defense we have Barnacle Rummy,
Who hastens to prove he’s no dummy.
At all his press sessions
He asks his own questions
And answers them too! How chummy!